


Mistletoe Kisses

by straeon



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Angst, Anthology, Christmas, Drabbles, F/F, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Multi, New Year's Eve, cw alcohol, some of aaron's stuff referenced
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2016-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 06:23:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5529317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/straeon/pseuds/straeon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short fics and drabbles over the Christmas period, of various Emmerdale characters and pairings, starting with Robron on this Christmas Eve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Robron (1)

Everybody in the Woolpack that night, the night before Christmas, had a reason to be filling the place with their forced Christmas cheer, and for most it was the welcome excuse for drowning their sorrows. With the many happenings in the village that year, the only thing most had to celebrate was that that quite literally disastrous year would be soon coming to an end.

A few of them had possibly the worst things from that year that they wanted to forget. Or at least they liked to think so.

This time last year, Robert was engaged to a beautiful, wealthy woman, with a part in her father’s business, having just moved into the largest estate in the area. He could’ve had it all, if it wasn’t that he had literally wanted to have it all, and of course had blown it all. If he’d been happy with just Chrissie and the estate and the job he’d worked up to so tirelessly…

But he hadn’t been.

“Okay,” A voice broke into Robert’s mournful revelry from the other side of the bar, and she sounded about as tired, of everything, as he was. “I dunno if you’re sending death glares over there or pining after him, but the pouting over your ex thing is getting’ kind obvious to everyone and… really pathetic.”

“Thanks, Vic,” Robert answered into his pint. He didn’t give much more attention to her suggestions about Aaron any more, though they had been occurring much less since the whole thinking he’d tried to murder him business, knowing it just gave her more opening to ask personal questions he didn’t want to answer yet – if he ever would, if he’d ever have all the answers she wanted.

“Unless you wanna go talk to him,” Victoria suggested, resting her chin in her palm over the bar.

“Why would I want to do that?” Robert couldn’t help but snap at her.

“I dunno,” she shrugged. “Cause this is really awkward, if you’re gonna be involved in this place, this is all really uncomfortable, especially for those of us in the middle of it – thanks for that, by the way – and even without this pub stuff, you’re always gonna be living in the same village.”

“Well, he does a good job of avoiding me most of the time.”

“But you don’t want him to,” she said.

“He’s probably got the right idea,” Robert murmured, glancing over at Aaron drinking in the corner again, giving out the vibe he often did to not be disturbed. “Nothing good really came of… us.” He hesitated to even admit to her that there had ever been anything resembling an ‘us’. But – just sometimes – there had been.

“I am a minute away from cutting you off, if you’re gonna be the miserable, self-pitying drunk,” Vic moaned at him.

“Well, let’s see,” Robert started, putting his pint down on the bar. “In the last year, I’ve been married, and separated, been shot –“

“You’re not the only one who’s been through it all, Robert,” Victoria interrupted, and Robert knew that she’d been through too much as well, but that’s not what Victoria was even referring to – she wouldn’t. “Think about what Andy must be feeling this time of year. _He_ got married a year ago and now he’s a w- well, he’s alone.”

Of course, Victoria couldn’t know how that could only make Robert feel even worse. Especially when he’d been wallowing in his own misfortune. Even if Robert had been dumped by two people he’d loved in the last year, Andy had really lost someone he loved – and all three of those things were entirely Robert’s fault.

“Are you gonna go see him?” Robert asked, concern etched in the lines of his face.

“Yeah,” Victoria nodded. “I’ll go by later. We’re gonna try and make him spend Christmas with me and Diane too.”

“So I better stay away,” Robert finished for her quietly.

“I didn’t say that.”

“But if you want to keep an eye on him – me being there isn’t going to help him,” Robert said.

“Y’know, I really think he’s over – all that stuff before, about… you know.”

“He isn’t,” Robert said, eyeing up his nearly empty glass. Andy had made it clear he’d never forgive him - and who could blame him? Robert couldn’t force him to and perhaps this was the best it would ever be between them, having Andy able to bear living in the same village as him, sometimes not trying to kill each other for their family, but not anything closer.

“He’ll deal with you being there for Diane,” Victoria insisted. “She wants you both there. And so do I. I just want a normal family Christmas. I’m sure you can both face that for a day.”

“I dunno,” Robert sighed, shaking his head. “Spending the whole day with Adam, I dunno if I _can_ face that.”

“Oh please,” Victoria playfully smacked his arm over the bar. “You didn’t mind him this morning – y’know, in nothing but his robe.”

“Vic, ew,” Robert grimaced. “He doesn’t wear anything under that?!”

“Oi,” Victoria said mock sternly. “You better not be thinkin’ about my husband like that while I’m working,” she told him as she returned to the pub kitchen, leaving Robert with a slightly heated face.

Victoria was trying to treat it like a joke, hoping if it wasn’t taken seriously any more, Robert would be more comfortable talking about it with her – or ‘coming out’ or whatever she expected from him. But it was probably just for him to confide in her, to allow her to understand what was going on with him, what had been going on, and he regretted how he usually snapped at her with that realisation. She was just trying to be his sister, to be there for everyone, which she didn’t need to be. And it was quite an alien concept to Robert, to bear other people’s burdens on your shoulders without being asked and never even complain about it.

After a while, Robert followed after his sister to the kitchen.

“What do _you_ want?” Victoria asked with a puzzled look at him. “Don’t want to help me with these mince pies, do ya?”

“No thanks,” Robert answered with a crinkled nose. “I – I was just wondering –“

“What?” Victoria asked, knitting her brow together.

“Are you okay?” Robert asked eventually, hesitating and shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Huh?”

“I mean – ‘cause you spend so much time wondering how _we_ all are. How Adam is, Johnny, about the pub…”

“Well, you’re my family – and so is Adam, and Johnny now.”

“I know,” Robert said quietly, stepping toward her. “But, don’t you ever wish you didn’t spend so much time on other people?”

“Of course I do,” Victoria said with an eyeroll. “But I’ve grown up enough to not always put myself first, Robert.”

“Yeah, but –“

“Look, if you want _me_ to be happy,” Victoria said, turning to him with a small smile. “You’ll show up tomorrow, spare me the worry over you’s two.”

“Okay,” Robert conceded with a chuckle. “Walked right into that one, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you did.”

“So how’s Adam?” Robert asked, filling in the silence.

“Robert, you _know_ how Adam is, you saw him this morning – quite a lot of him, at that.”

“Don’t remind me, Vic.”

“So why don’t you stop hanging around here and do what you actually want to,” Victoria told him.

“Which is…?”

“Talk to Aaron.”

A laugh came from his bitterly smirking mouth. “And have my head bitten off? He’s got a right face on him tonight – not that that’s anything new but –“

“He might have reason for that,” Victoria said with a shrug.

“Why?” Robert asked.

“See?” Victoria said pointedly. “You wanna know what’s up with him – so go see. Without arguing maybe, ‘cause you’re just as bad as he is, you know that.”

“How did this get turned round to being about me?”

“Look – the more you sort your problems out, the less I have to do it for ya. Less awkwardness between you guys would help me to. I do have to live with you and his best mate – I have to hear all about you going through their books as well. Maybe… you could behave like adults about it.”

“I do!”

Victoria only scoffed.

“Fine. I’m going… If I’m not welcome,” he said, backing away to the door.

“You’re not. Bye.”

“Merry Christmas to you too.”

“See you tomorrow!” She shouted after him.

Making his way back to the pub, rolling his eyes at his little sister, Robert actually felt like he might know what to do. It was a relief, even, to feel like he had family who’d always be there – not like anything he decided to do had to fulfil others’ expectations of him. And maybe he could actually do what he truly wanted. It’s not like anyone else in the village expected anything but the worst from him now. Though there was only one person outside his family whose opinion he wanted to change… With a smile, he picked something up from a nearby table surface, and, feeling more sure of himself than he had earlier, he hoped it wasn’t just the booze kicking in.

 

-

 

“What do ya want?” Aaron grumbled.

Robert silently hoped that there’d come a day he’d be welcomed differently.

“I was – just wondering how you were.”

“Oh, piss off, Robert,” Aaron turned away from him and back to his mobile phone.

“Your Christmas not going well then?”

“At least I’m not living with my sister, and perving on her husband,” Aaron replied, a curl to the side of his mouth, though Robert noticed that hint of a smile didn’t reach the rest of his face at all. But when was the last time Aaron had smiled at him like he used to, with all his love and lust in his eyes as he looked up at Robert expectantly? Of course he had no expectations of Robert now but of the worst possible from him.

Robert sighed and sat next to him, even as Aaron bristled, gave an impatient scoff and dropped his phone onto the table to shoot a glare at his former lover.

“Okay, for the record, whatever Adam said is bullshit. You know, he wears nothing under his robes?”

“No, I don’t – I don’t wanna know that,” Aaron said, with a shake of his head, wrinkling up his nose (adorably, Robert thought).

“’Course you don’t,” Robert said with a smile.

“So?” Aaron shrugged. “What do you want?”

As Robert hesitated, Aaron continued, “If this is about me letting go with the pub then –“

“It’s not,” Robert immediately interrupted.

“Then what?” Aaron shook his head at him, this blond asshole he was still somehow too drawn to to just get up and leave already. Why did he care what the fuck Robert wanted? Why did he care so much if he wanted anything to do with the pub even?

“I – I was just wondering what was up with you,” Robert said, again internally sighing at how it came out the most awkward way possible.

Understandably, Aaron just scoffed at him. Robert started to wonder if this wasn’t just his usual sparkling personality. Accidentally, he smiled at himself, knowing that that was one of the things he’d somehow first fell in love with about Aaron, while Aaron just misunderstood that smile as his smugness. Or he did at first. But he knew the difference between Robert’s usual smugness and something else in his eyes… Just like Robert knew when something was bothering him, which he saw etched on every furrow and line of his young face, which never looked as young as it should. Except in certain moments between them when for once, Aaron let that all go. Though Robert wished he could give Aaron that now, he knew why he couldn’t, why Aaron couldn’t trust him to be that man for him now.

“It’s just – something Vic said,” Robert started slowly, making Aaron raise his eyebrows at him, cynically yet still giving Robert his time. Possibly because of some strange (for Robert) hint of sincerity from him.

Victoria was right about not putting himself first. Maybe if he stopped thinking about how he could get Aaron to forgive him, trust him – for himself – and focus on what Aaron actually wanted…

“I was just worried about you,” Robert finally told him simply, looking into the somehow clouded blue eyes of his former lover.

“Don’t bother,” Aaron said, shaking his head.

“I can’t – just stop thinking about you,” Robert said, and he slid toward him around the table, leaving a space between them to not anger Aaron any more, but with a hand behind him, leaning in so he could speak quietly to Aaron, even intimately. He was aware that he didn’t really care what anyone around them might think (though half of them were drunk off their faces anyway, with Carly wrapping her arms around a more sober Leyla and Jimmy worryingly attempting to strip for Nicola, thought thankfully with his head stuck in his Christmas jumper for the moment). If it wasn’t for how Robert had ruined things between them, this could have been a chance for them to be together, without the concerns of Robert’s that had driven them apart before. But Robert was painfully aware of the space there was between them, of how all the betrayals he’d committed against Aaron kept him always slightly out of his reach.

“I can’t stop caring about you,” Robert continued.

“Really?” Aaron asked, looking down. “You still cared about me when you pointed a gun at me then? Tried to kill Paddy? Trying to buy the pub from under me mum?” Half the space between them was closed, but only for Aaron to hiss into Robert’s face.

With his own eyes furrowed, Robert searched Aaron’s, knowing there was something making him blow up like this now, and not just the lager in his system. For a second, Aaron relaxed, seeing the real concern on Robert’s face, realising he should check himself and his temper in the middle of a Christmas party in the pub, but he shook his head before giving Robert another chance here.

“Wait,” Robert half pleaded as he pulled Aaron back into the booth by his arm. With much reluctance, Aaron stayed, but on the edge of the chair, making it clear he was still about to leave.

“I just wanted you to know that I’m here,” Robert said, sitting next to him now, though with Aaron half turned from him. “That I – I want to stop putting myself first and – and not consider your side of things.”

“That’s … very interesting, Robert,” Aaron said cynically, though speaking to him less roughly now, sounding more tired than anything else. “Bu I don’t want your concern.” He turned back to him before saying his last words, taking a second to search Robert’s eyes, just to confirm that he was trying to be genuine. “Just do what you do best and save it for yourself, eh?”

Robert watched him make his way through the pub, shoving Marlon with a tray of sausage rolls into Nikhil. He slumped forward onto the table with exasperation.

He’d blown it.

Of course there was nothing he could do to properly gain Aaron’s trust back now. Things could never be what they had been between them. Not like last Christmas, when somehow, through all of Robert’s idiocy, Aaron had been the one person he still had, properly. This time, Aaron wouldn’t change his mind though – Robert had worn out all his chances already.

 

-

 

The last few drunks had staggered off finally, leaving the pub quiet with expectation of the following day and Aaron stood out back, leaning against the wall in the biting night air. Moments passed between each swig of his beer bottle, as he stared into the dark, wanting to seek comfort from the nothingness. All the tinsel and gifts, hearing his mum still wrapping a few last ones in her room and swearing every time she tripped over them, made it too much for him inside. Especially with the air of disagreement colliding with all the forced cheer. Aaron didn’t even know where he stood right now, where anything did – any ounce of stability he’d had after leaving jail, for the umpteenth time, and after Chas sought help for her PTSD, all that had been pulled from underneath him. It felt like he was floating through the nothingness, alone again, but comforted by the feeling that that wasn’t the worst it could be. Which he was sure was still to come.

He took another swig in hopes of quenching that suffocating ball of anxiety that had materialized in the centre of his chest.

Pressing the back of his head hard against the brick behind him, Aaron tried not to think about how he was going to handle tomorrow.

Then he shot back up at a sound of walking from around the pub, a solitary disturbance in the fragile quietude.

He didn’t go to see who or what it was but expected it was a leftover drunk who he hoped would shove off soon.

As a figure made its way into his sight, Aaron internally groaned that though he was right, it was a familiar drunk, who was also not likely to just leave.

“For fuck’s sake, Robert,” Aaron grumbled, as he took a quick step forward to balance the intoxicated Robert, with his hands firmly around his torso, and found himself nearly pressed against him. Quickly, he stepped away and hissed at him, “What the hell’re you-“

“Aaron!” Robert exclaimed, happily through his sad, self-pitying drunk shtick. “Aw, Aaron,” he said softer, reaching a hand up to Aaron’s face.

“Oh, come on,” Aaron said, ducking back, but then leading Robert back inside, as tempting as it was to just leave him.

“Seeee? I knew you cared,” Robert slurred at him, but, as Aaron pushed him back, he then slumped back against the door behind him.

“Yeah – again, what the fuck, Robert?” Aaron hissed at him, having to still stand in front of him to keep his voice down, hoping Robert would follow suit.

“Ugh – I’m just clearing my head!” Robert answered, defensively. “So were you.” Then his face changed as he gave Aaron a cheeky smile and poked him in the ribs. “Were you thinkin’ about me too?”

“No!” Aaron said, rubbing his ribs.

“Aww,” Robert whined and gave an exaggerated frown.

Honestly, Aaron had thought about him, at first, but he wasn’t prepared to admit that, no matter how pathetic his ex looked on his doorstep.

“I was just – y’know, reminiscing, back at Vic’s place, about the … great last year I’ve had – that we’ve both had! – and I wanted to come see you.”

“Right,” Aaron said. “Okay, I’m taking you home.”

“Wait,” Robert insisted, his hands placed softly around Aaron as he’d reached for the door around Robert. He looked into Aaron’s eyes again. “I was just – I was worried about you.”

“I already told you-”

“I didn’t fuck everything up for you as well, did I?” Robert asked him, worry etched exaggeratedly in his face. “I did for myself, obvs. I mean, you’re right, I am living with my sister… You hate me, pretty much everyone hates me but Vic, but worst of all, you hate me.”

“Y’already said that.”

“Well, you really hate me,” Robert said, attempting a joke, but then just frowning about it. “You looked about as miserable as me tonight… I don’t want that to be ‘cause of all my fuck ups as well.”

“It wasn’t,” Aaron told him honestly. “I wasn’t thinking about you.”

“I dunno if that makes me feel better, actually,” Robert said after a pause.

“Yeah, well, I’m not that interested in making you feel better.”

“Okay! I get that…” Robert drawled off. “Maybe I’m interested in makin’ you feel better though.”

“Not interested in that either,” Aaron answered simply, with a shrug.

“C’mon,” Robert said, reaching his arm to the front of Aaron’s jacket. He pulled back further to avoid Robert’s touch again. Robert stepped forward though, awkwardly pushing off the door he was resting on. “Remember this time last year?”

“I’m pretty sure I was mad at you then too.”

“Yeah, but,” Robert spoke to him in a low voice, still caressing his fingers over the fabric of Aaron’s jacket. “Christmas day.”

Aaron gave a sigh, of course remembering, and avoided eye contact with him.

“When I sneaked up to your room that night,” Robert continued, smiling at Aaron’s awkwardness at the memory. “Tell me you don’t miss that-”

“I don’t.”

“You sure as hell appreciated it last year – y’know, my business investment.” Aaron shook his head at Robert’s cheeky smile. He didn’t know how his innuendos hadn’t always sounded this ridiculous to him. “Remember how we had to try to stay quiet? How I had to put my hand over your mouth when-”

“Don’t,” Aaron said, wrinkling up his face.

“You don’t miss… having your legs around my shoulders, while I was sucking you off, my wet fingers inside of you…?” He leaned closer against Aaron, his breath on the slightly reddening skin of his neck. “Your dick down my throat-”

Aaron stepped back quickly, clearing his throat.

“Remember how I had to practically bite your pillow to stop from making noise when you went down on me – Damn, you’re good at that.”

“Too bad that’s _really_ not happening again,” Aaron said with his hands in his pockets.

“I know,” Robert nodded, and he did. “I just – I don’t buy that you don’t miss it too. Even if not the fucking, or sucking, or sneaking around – I know you miss the moments we had, alone together. You spent so much of that Christmas with me, not with your family or anyone else. Remember you didn’t want me to go straight away? How we kissed in your bed, still tasting each other’s cum on each other, not even thinking about anyone else who was outside that door, just – just thinking about each other.”

“None of it was real, though, was it?” Aaron had to say, his voice full of bitterness.

“No, it was,” Robert insisted. “It was to me. You were always the only one who really understood me.”

“I didn’t, Robert. It was all lies.”

“How I felt about you – that never was. Except how I lied to myself… that I wasn’t already falling in love with you. That I already felt closer to you than Chrissie, wanted to be with _you_ -”

“Yeah, like you said though, that was more about my dick than anything else.”

“You know that’s not true.”

Aaron shrugged. Maybe he did, but this wasn’t what he needed, confusing his head even further.

“In those moments, nothing else, or no one else, mattered,” Robert sighed, his hands on Aaron’s front. “Look, all I mean is – I miss that. I miss you. I’m shit at showing it, but I do. I was just as shit then at showing you what it meant to me, what you meant to me, but… we both felt it.”

Of course Aaron remembered how, for just a moment before Robert left again, he’d sighed against him in bed, both of them still entirely bare skinned, as he buried his head in Robert’s shoulder tiredly, just feeling their warm flesh rubbing against each other, their cum between just feeling familiar now, as he really focussed on the feeling on Robert’s fingers through his hair, fingertips caressing down the back of his neck as they lay together quietly.

“Everything else was still there though,” Aaron told him. “You were still getting married. You still tried to ruin Andy and Katie’s wedding. If you even remember that?”

“Of course I do,” Robert said, nearly angrily. The pained expression in his eyes showed Aaron how much that must have been on his mind, how he’d tried to bury the thought of it with drink. “And I’m supposed to face Andy tomorrow – today? I ruined his life and –” He trailed off, tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Robert,” Aaron sad, a part of him still meaning it. “But I can’t help you with that. I can’t distract you from it either, or make you feel better by making up with me. I have too many of my own things I’m dealing with…”

“I could distract you from that too,” Robert said with a small smile, a glisten remaining in his eyes, knowing that nothing was going to happen with them, at least not like it was last year.

“This has distracted me, actually,” Aaron said.

“I don’t have your proper present with me – I know, you don’t want anything from me, but –” Robert trailed off, fumbling in his pockets inside his jacket. “But – this might do for now.” He said finally, holding up the piece of mistletoe with a cheeky smile.

Aaron rolled his eyes, and half turned away from him, secretly feeling a hint of amusement, maybe somewhere deep down, especially because he’d somehow not expected that, when of course he should have from Robert.

“What d’ya say?” Robert whispered, leaning forward.

Even as the words ‘Do one,’ started to shape themselves on Aaron’s lips, his eyes fell on Robert’s, who searched back over Aaron’s face, then onto his wet, pink lips. Robert inched forward slowly, making sure Aaron had plenty of chance to stop him, but he didn’t as Robert’s lips gently brushed against his. They stood together for a moment, Robert dropping his mistletoe to place his hand on Aaron’s back, again finding themselves in one of those endless moments, which in actuality was a few seconds, where nothing and no one else mattered.

A part of Aaron regretted the feeling when he missed Robert’s closeness as he pulled away from him, suddenly looking a lot more sober and slightly sheepish as he worried he’d just embarrassed himself.

But Aaron pulled him back to him and into a deeper kiss, pressing his lips around Robert’s, faintly tasting the alcohol on his tongue, but his attention on how right it still felt when they had their arms around each other like this. A part of him was aware that this, unlike all those other times – this wasn’t built on lies. No one was being hurt by their being together like this. It was just two people who’d loved each other aching for some kind of warmth again on a cold day, mostly filled with dread for them both, to be around people who didn’t see them like they could see each other, into the depths of each other’s needs and fears.

He eventually pulled away though. He couldn’t let himself fall back into this just because he needed to be with someone. Robert didn’t want that either, though their eyes still lingered on each other, and it took some seconds before they fully took their hands of each other, and even longer before either of them stepped back. They both did, though their eyes were still on each other’s flushed faces and their wet mouths, and their hearts fell as they separated again.

“You should get home,” Aaron said to break the silence.

“Yeah – yeah, I will,” Robert said, nodding, trying to see through the clouds in his mind, when all he really wanted right now was to stay with him. “I – I hope your Christmas isn’t that bad. Not as bad as mine will be either.”

“Thank you,” Aaron said, attempting a small smile as he reached to the door to let Robert out. Again, it didn’t spread to the rest of his face, Robert noticed, as he placed a hand softly over Aaron’s.

“I’ll see you,” he said eventually and stepped outside, feeling the cold harshly and wrapping his jacket closer around himself. A poor substitute for the warmth he really ached for.

“Yeah,” Aaron agreed before closing the door behind him, though feeling a hint of regret. Slowly, he made his way upstairs, not wanting to sleep still and face the day ahead of him. But at least he did have those memories to keep him warm. And the possibility that they weren’t as tainted as he often thought of them. What they’d had – that had been real. It still was. It wasn’t some disastrous force that had ploughed through the village and all their lives. It was just two people who need each other’s warmth and closeness – had done practically from the first time they’d laid eyes on each other in the previous year. And there was nothing wrong with that, not with how a part of him felt for Robert, and always would, though this wasn’t the time right now. Maybe at some point it would be.


	2. Dikhil (1)

When Nikhil made his way through the door, hanging up his coat and scarf with relief to be away from the mess he’d just come from, David was leaning forward on his knees on the sofa. Frowning, he was considering a half wrapped present on the coffee table in front of him.

“You didn’t come out,” Nikhil said behind him, for something to say.

“Hmm,” David said, his chin resting on his palm, only giving Nikhil a glance.

“Not in the mood, I guess?”

David shrugged.

“Yeah, probably for the best. Carly’s off her face, Leyla is not happy, Tracy and Finn are still miserable over their rubbish Christmas… Jimmy was nearly naked when I left,” He finished with horror.

Nikhil could have just told him he’d been butt naked doing a jig on the bar and he would have probably gotten the same reaction, or lack thereof.

“Oh, come on, Dave,” Nikhil said with exasperation, making his way to sit next to him. “This cold shoulder act is getting really old.”

“Sorry, I just-” David stopped and recoiled, his arm over his face. “Mate?! Jesus, you stink.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” Nikhil apologized awkwardly. “There were sausage rolls… Spilt beer everywhere. It was terrible.” The look in his eye suggested that even if he was relaxed than he used to be, it was still too much.

“Do not tell me you do sausage rolls now an’ all,” David said, hoping there wasn’t even more he’d missed in Nikhil’s life.

“What? No!” Nikhil exclaimed, offended by the suggestion. “No, Marlon – or Aaron – threw them over me,” he said, pouting as he smelled his shirt, then shook his head exaggeratedly.

“Maybe I shoulda come out after all,” David said.

“Yeah, so, why didn’t you?” Nikhil asked seriously, reading the expression on his face as being more than about his anger at Nikhil and Leyla, seemingly mostly forgotten for the moment.

“My dad’s present… I dunno whether to even bother. As if he’ll even open the door to get it.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it, David,” Nikhil tried to comfort him. “You got him the ring back, surely that’ll mean the world to him.”

“You’d think,” David said, shaking his head. “I’m not sure if he’s even gotten it though, holed up in there. Which isn’t something a Christmas present can fix, but I dunno what else I can do.”

“Look,” Nikhil hesitated. “Maybe… there isn’t anything you can do. Maybe this is something he needs to sort out himself. You can’t… always fix your family.”

“Maybe,” David sighed, slumping against the back of the sofa. “It’s his first Christmas without Val, though, I just wish I could be there for him somehow.”

“Yeah, well, it’s your first Christmas without Alicia and Jacob-”

“Thanks for reminding me.”

“I mean, you should think about that as well. This is distracting you, I know, but-”

“Hey, this isn’t just to distract myself from my own miserable life, thank you,” David argued. “As miserable as it is…” He trailed off, looking down at his wrapped up ankle dejectedly.

“C’mon,” Nikhil said, trying to lighten the mood as he sat back next to David. “I’m just saying you deserve someone to cheer you up as well. I mean, I miss how excited you used to get over Christmas!” He said, playfully punching David’s arm.

“It’s just not the same with everything,” David shook his head. “I’m going over to give Amba her presents in the morning, I mean, but… It’s for her really though isn’t it?”

Nikhil shot David an expectant look pointedly.

“And I got you something too, obviously,” David said with a small smile.

“What if we exchange them now?” Nikhil suggested, in hope of bringing a proper smile to his face.

“What?!” David nearly shouted though, with a furrowed brow. “You can’t open them before Christmas, don’t be ridiculous, Nikhil!”

Despite the failure of that attempt, Nikhil laughed at the hint of how seriously David took Christmas. David looked at him with annoyance. Then ended up laughing himself.

“Sorry,” David smiled at him.

“It’s okay,” Nikhil smiled back at him warmly. “Are you gonna finish this?” He asked, reaching over to the present.

David recoiled again. “No, really Nikhil, you stink. I can’t believe you can stand that – you really have changed.”

“For the better, I hope,” Nikhil said, pulling at the back of his shirt. Reaching over, David’s hands went underneath the fabric, helping him pull the soft feeling shirt off. Then as Nikhil pulled it off, his hand rested on Nikhil’s waist carelessly.

Nikhil looked down at his hand, as David realised what he was doing, his eyes over Nikhil’s perfectly chiselled muscles, his six pack, the dark hair over his chest… Their eyes met and David swallowed. His breath caught in his throat, knowing what Nikhil was looking at him the same way he was probably look at Nikhil - with surprise in their eyes but also a realization, and the hint of the sudden lust that was overcoming them both. David held his breath still, scared that if he breathed the moment would end, they’d both come to their senses and pull away from each other, he’d drag himself away from Nikhil’s fiery, deep, brown eyes…

Which is exactly what happened.

“I should really shower this stench off me,” Nikhil laughed, standing up and holding his shirt in front of him awkwardly.

“Yeah, I – I need to finish wrapping – obviously.”

“Y’know, I think I might have a few things left too.”

“Yeah, of course.”

“I’ll – I’ll see you in the morning then.”

“Yeah. See you,” David finished as Nikhil shot off to his current room in David’s house, leaving David still confused by what he’d felt – but knowing Nikhil felt exactly the same way.


	3. Tracy, Carly, Leyla & Finn

“How are _you_ so sober?” Carly said, pointing at Tracy, who pulled her in through the door by one side, with Leyla on her other side and Finn behind them pushing them in.

“’Cause I can’t afford it, can I?” Tracy whined.

“Awwww, don’t be sad, Tracy Trace,” Carly said, pointing her finger in the middle of her cheek. “Your dimples are too cuute to be sad.”

“Thanks,” Tracy said with a tight smile.

“Whart ‘bout you?” Carly asked, turning to Leyla.

“Well, let’s see – I’ve been watching you all night, listening to Nikhil whine about David being mad at him…”

“Oh, God, forget I asked,” Carly said, pushing herself off of all three of them and face forward onto the sofa.

“And missing Alicia and Jacob, and worrying about David and Eric and Megan and – and Cheryl,” Leyla sighed, sitting down on the sofa under Carly’s feet.

“God, we’re a miserable lot,” Tracy said, searching around for another bottle.

“I don’t think I know any other way anymore, Trace,” Finn said, collapsing into the other chair, still quite winded.

“We’ve even gloomier than they are,” Tracy said, shooting him a look.

“Well, let’s be honest here, Tracy,” Finn sighed. “What reason do _any_ of us have to be anything but gloomy? Except Carly, who at least gets to be drunk off her face this Christmas.”

“Yuh,” Carly half-cheered, pointing a thumbs up to the room from under her cushions.

“None of us has even got any action for ages,” Finn sighed, slumping back even more.

“Heyyy,” Tracy stopped him. “I had – Josh, a while… ago. And Leyla’s … had Jai, which yeah…”

“Oi,” Carly’s voice came loudly. “You dunnnno my life.”

“I don’t want to know what you get up to, to be honest,” Finn replied, to which Leyla gave a nod of agreement.

“Well, I don’t need a man,” Tracy said.

“No, you have Eric and a job you spent all day miserable at,” Finn drawled on.

“Thanks, Finn,” Tracy said, walking away to the kitchen. “Where d’you keep all the booze?”

“Oh, there’s not much,” Leyla said. “Not with Vanessa and the baby and – missy here drank it all before we came out.”

Carly shot up into a sitting position on the sofa, grabbing Leyla by the shoulder. “The baby!” She gasped. “Is he okay?”

“Of course he is, Carly,” Leyla answered. “He’s with Vanessa.”

“Yeah, but,” Carly hesitated. “We shouldn’t be drinking. We need to be his responsible aunts!”

“We are,” Leyla told her. “Aw, you’re so drunk you’re getting emotional. C’mon, let’s get you to bed.”

“Oh, no,” Finn groaned. “Can’t she just sleep there?”

But Carly had already sunk back into the sofa cushions, groaning about what a terrible person she was.

“Yeah,” Finn sighed. “I think it’s time I got home. Fun as this has all been.”

“Oh, you’re the most miserable one of the lot of us, Finn,” Tracy called over to him, from where she was drinking half a can of lager she’d found next to the kitchen sink.

“You coming or what?” Finn asked her.

“Nah, you’re alright,” Tracy answered, taking another swig. “Gotta finish this.”

“Suit yourself,” Finn said, shooting a look over the distraught drunk Carly and the depressed Leyla slumped next to her, before leaving while blowing out a puff of air.

“Y’alright?” Tracy asked Leyla after a while.

“Yeah, yeah,” Leyla nodded. “Just getting those Christmas blues, I guess. It’s not really my holiday, to be fair.”

“Doesn’t help today was so busy,” Tracy said, trying to make small talk.

“Eh,” Leyla replied, waving a hand at Tracy. “At least it made it eventful. And working with you is a lot more fun than I ever thought it’d be.”

Leyla laughed and Tracy’s heart fluttered, as she smiled back bashfully. She couldn’t put into words, even to herself (or Finn, who at least _might_ understand, if he got over his own sad life for long enough to listen) how she’d started to fall for her beautiful, glamorous friend she’d been working alongside. It just … had started to happen. At first, she wanted to be her friend – she didn’t have many and had just lost her best friend in the village (or anywhere, for that matter). She found a way she could help Leyla out and wanted to get someone on side.

Then they spent more time together. Tracy started to notice how kind she was under her tough exterior, how truly regretful she was of anything she’d done to hurt anyone, how much she even cared about Eric despite his whole Scrooge act, like Tracy did, and she started to notice how perfectly soft her lips looks, how high her cheekbones were, how beautiful she was in every way… And she was a true friend. Despite some differences they’d had, Leyla didn’t question that – that Tracy was her friend.

So how could she want to ruin that? Tracy questioned herself with a deep sigh.

“What’s the matter?” Leyla asked, turning back to her.

“Oh, nothing,” Tracy rushed to answer and put a fake smile on her face.

“You sure?” Her concern was so genuine, always, Tracy even still felt herself falling harder for her every moment they spent together.

“Oh, you know, just the same really,” Tracy started, not really lying, just ignoring what was most on her mind at the moment. “Family. They were nothing but trouble, but I guess I still miss ‘em.”

“Don’t you have any family around?” Leyla asked, giving Tracy all of her attention.

“Not really,” Tracy said. “Not anymore. Everyone’s just kinda gone their separate ways… We were never close. But still! I guess my family is here now. Is all you guys.”

She internally cringed – did she just call her stupid schoolgirl crush ‘family’?

“Oh, Tracy!” Leyla cooed, placing her hand on her heart. “That’s so sweet.” She stood up and made her way around the furniture to face Tracy. “You’ve become a real friend, you know that? You both need to know who our true friends are, eh?”

“Yeah,” Tracy said with a wide, forced smile. She felt butterflies fluttering in her stomach at Leyla’s hands on her shoulders, at her beautiful smile as she looked into Tracy’s eyes. But she couldn’t help but wish that she didn’t just see her as a friend, even though that had been exactly what she’d wanted at first. She should be happy.

“Oh,” Leyla laughed suddenly, looking above them. She pointed with a smile at Tracy, at the mistletoe hanging above them. “Carly must’ve put it there when she was drinking. Probably hoping to pull.”

“Oi,” Carly called again, out of their sight, making them both jump. “The night’s still young.”

“I don’t know what is up with her,” Leyla said in a low voice to Tracy, leading her around the stairs. “She’s been acting weird for a few days now.”

Tracy shrugged. “Christmas does that to some people.” She was still painfully aware of the mistletoe above them, and Leyla noticed her look this time.

“I cannot tell you how many embarrassing kisses I’ve had under this thing over the years,” Leyla told her, talking in her normal tone again. “And the ones with girls weren’t even the worst of them. Flippin’ Jai tried to get me under one, of course,” Leyla shuddered. “Moira, though, surprisingly good drunk kisser.”

Tracy shot her a wide eyed look.

“Though, having said that, I kissed Jai enough times when sober…” She trailed off, shaking her head. “I’m rambling, I should be going to bed. Goodnight,” she said, making her way up the stairs.

Tracy watched her with regret.

“Oh, you know, what the hell,” Leyla said, stepping back down, and leaning toward Tracy, with a hand placed firmly on her shoulder. Tracy turned away, trying to not meet her lips, but Leyla hard gone for the other side and they kissed.

It was only momentary. But for that moment, Leyla’s hand moved to Tracy’s warm cheek, and it felt like everything else in the world slipped away in that moment.

“Let yourself out when you want, darling,” Leyla said, as she pulled away and patted Tracy’s cheek.

Watching her go, Tracy felt Leyla’s red lipstick on her own mouth and smiled.


	4. Carly & Tracy

Carly gasped awake, sweating with all the cushions around her and a throw covering her face. “Aah,” she moaned in frustration.

“Carly, you okay?” Someone’s voice came from the other side of the seemingly never-ending blanket.

“No!” Carly answered.

“Here,” the same voice said, and a hand reached over the top of the throw and pulled it away.

“Oh my God,” Carly said, sitting up. “I could’ve suffocated if you weren’t there.”

Tracy looked at her blankly. “Okay?”

“Why _are_ you here?” Carly asked after a beat.

“Oh, I was here last night,” Tracy answered. “If you remember last night,” she said with a laugh. “And I – I guess I fell asleep, soz.”

“Oh, it’s fine,” Carly said, shaking her head down at herself. She was a right state.

“I didn’t embarrass myself, did I?” Carly asked, uncertainly, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

“Well – what would you count as embarrassing?”

“Erm – snogging anyone old, ugly or weird, taking my top off, vomiting or karaoke.”

“Oh, you’re alright then!” Tracy said in a chipper tone, before sitting at Carly’s feet.

“You know – actually I do remember you here last night.”

“Yeah?” Tracy turned to her. “Prob’ly ‘cause I was here last night.”

“Aw, you helped me in when I was drunk off my face,” Carly said with a smile. “Sorry I poked your face.”

“’Sokay,” Tracy laughed.

“You do have a cute dimply face though,” Carly said, yawning. “Oh, God,” Carly suddenly seemed to realize. “My head is _banging_.”

“Oh, d’you want me to get you some-“

“Wait,” Carly stopped her suddenly, her eyes wide. “Didn’t your cute face –” She gasped. “Smooch Leyla’s cute face?”

“Oh,” Tracy was taken aback for a second, blushing. “It – it was just a – mistletoe,” she stuttered.

“Oh, right,” Carly said, seemingly appeased as she rested her head back against the sofa. “But you wanted it to be more, didn’t you?”

“What?” Tracy asked, turning to her shocked.

“Don’t worry,” Carly said with a faint smile. “I’ve been there. And you used my mistletoe so don’t lie.”

“Been there – how? And what? No – I,” Tracy spluttered.

“It’s fine,” Carly said, lying back again and yawning loudly, stretching back in a way that revealed her tan, toned biceps. “Oh, God, paracetamol would be good actually.”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Tracy said, glad to have a reason to get up. She searched through all the drawers till she found it, though taking her time, and got a glass of water, placing them both on the table next to Carly.

“Thanks,” Carly said, sitting up again groggily, taking the paracetamol, then collapsing back down. “Ugh.”

“Um,” Tracy started awkwardly. “Is it just your hangover bothering you?”

Carly sighed. “I heard you and Leyla last night talking about me,” Carly said simply, her face buried in her arm. “Don’t do that.”

“Well, I wasn’t-”

“If I wanted to share anything that was bothering me, I would,” Carly continued.

“Okay,” Tracy said. “Not the cheeriest when hungover then,” she said walking the length of the sofa. “Nevermind, I should be going anyway. ‘Hope you feel better soon.”

She nearly just let her go, before realising that it was precisely because she had her – what was bothering her that she was snapping at Tracy.

“Wait,” Carly said, with a deep sigh. “You don’t have to go.”

“I was just trying to help,” Tracy said as she turned back to her and shrugged at her.

“I know,” Carly said, realising neither of them had had a great night. “Merry Christmas, by the way.”

Tracy smiled. “You too.” She dropped her bag back onto the chair. “Here.”

“What?” Carly asked cautiously.

“I’m just gonna try summat on you,” Tracy said cheerfully.

“That – doesn’t make me feel better,” Carly said, a hint of worry in her voice. Still, Tracy placed both hands on each side of Carly’s head and pulled her head back onto the sofa cushion. “Uh?” She let her, but didn’t know why.

“This is just summat I used to do for me mum,” Tracy said. “Y’know, when she was drunk off her face – which was often – or ran out of money to buy more booze, and I tried to keep her happy…”

“Oh,” Carly said, not knowing what else to say to that.

Tracy rubbed the tips of her index fingers in circular motions on Carly’s temples, after a moment prompting Carly to sigh and relax. Her fingertips caressed gently over her scalp, stroked through her long blonde hair, then she pressed her hands down Carly’s face, down her neck, rubbing every muscle down to her shoulders, slowly and firmly, the warmth of her hands electric on Carly’s skin even while they relaxed her, releasing all the tension from her body.

“Better?” Tracy asked in a chipper voice as she stood back up behind her.

“Uh – yeah,” Carly said, her eyes opening, still shocked by the light. “Wow, that was – you should apply for a job at the salon, honestly.”

“Oh, Bernie would never hire me,” Tracy said. “I’m not the right – image.”

“That’s utter bullshit,” Carly said. Tracy only shrugged in reply. “So – what are you doing today?”

“Working,” she shrugged again. “Eric insists.”

“Oh, that’s a shame,” Carly said, and she meant it. “Maybe – maybe you could come ‘round tonight?”

“Are you sure?” Tracy asked doubtfully. “Wouldn’t Vanessa mind, with the baby an’ all?”

“I – maybe,” Carly said, the troubled look returning to her eyes. “I’ll ask her though and-”

“Hey,” Tracy said, sitting next to her on the sofa. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Carly insisted with a forced smile.

“That’s not true,” Tracy said. “I know what fake smiles look like,” she said with a sad laugh.

“Okay, you’re right,” Carly confessed. “But I – I can’t talk about it,” Carly said with a shrug. Tracy watched her quietly, expecting her to go on. “It’s just too painful,” she said, looking down.

“That’s okay,” Tracy said softly. “Just know, you can talk to me if you want,” she said, placing her hand on Carly’s hand, into Carly’s line of vision. “Or, you know, Leyla or Vanessa, they’re here for you too.”

Carly nodded, and smiled up at her, genuinely this time.

“I should be going now,” Tracy said, patting Carly’s hand before making to get up.

But Carly stopped her, placing the same hand on her shoulder, indicating for Tracy to stay, which she did, giving Carly a quizzical look.

Carly leaned forward, placed her hand around the back of Tracy’s neck, and her lips onto Tracy’s frowning lips. She breathed against her, and after a second, as she lingered against Tracy, the other blonde woman returned the kiss, wrapping an arm around Carly’s back, suddenly feeling how much she’d needed just this small amount of intimacy. The kiss deepened, Carly’s hands stroking through Tracy’s hair, Tracy leaning forward, nearly over Carly’s lying body over the sofa.

“Mm,” Tracy finally breathed, sitting back up, blushing with a hint of embarrassment, mostly with a flush of her desire over her face.

“That – that wasn’t a mistletoe kiss,” Carly told her. “Just so you know…” She trailed off, smiling shyly.

“I know,” Tracy said, meeting her eye again, smiling wildly.

“I – I do have to get to work,” Tracy said with regret.

“I know,” Carly said. “I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah,” Tracy said, standing up with her handbag over her shoulder, sighing nearly dreamily and smiling down at Carly. “You will.”

That morning, Tracy smiled all the way to work, possibly for the first time ever.


	5. The Sugdens

“God,” Victoria shouted into the empty Woolpack kitchen. “Why is everything and everyone so – Ugh, God.” She stamped her food down on the ground, and even she knew how pathetic that was with her small stature.

“Y’alright?” Adam asked, coming in behind her with a bemused look on his face.

“Of course I am,” Victoria smiled at him. “I just have a lot to do,” she smiled.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, Vic,” Adam said, wrapping his arms around her from behind. “You don’t have to cook for me anyway, yeah?” He said, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

“Yeah,” Victoria said, grinding her teeth together. Their first Christmas as a married couple and he wasn’t going to spend it with her – of course that cheered her right up.

“Besides, you do this all the time, dontcha?” Adam said.

“Yeah, yeah,” Victoria nodded. “Not usually when having to juggle keeping my brothers from _killing_ each other or taking care of my recently stabbed, diagnosed-with-cancer step-mum who lost her sister this year-”

“Hey, hey,” Adam stopped her, pulling her body against his against. Victoria let her head bury into his chest and sighed, closing out the rest of the world, to only feel his strong arms comforting her. “It’s gonna be okay. You don’t need to take care of Diane, she can take care of herself – and she has all them lot too. That’s the point of today, isn’t it? And Robert and Andy – they can manage to control themselves for one day. They did in the hospital, right? They will again for you and Diane. And if they don’t, they’ll have me to answer to, alright?”

“Thank you,” Victoria said, smiling up at her husband warmly, her arms wrapped around his waist. “I love you.”

“I know,” Adam nodded, before giving her a peck on the lips, stroking her hair back as he did so.

“Okay, I gotta go back to see Johnny,” he said, smiling at her, but smiling more wildly at the thought of Johnny, and spending their first Christmas together.

“I’ll see ya,” Victoria called after him.

Victoria didn’t know if she was jealous of Johnny, Vanessa, or just that they got to have him when she wouldn’t for half of today, when she felt like she needed him. But she hated herself for it.

-

Robert took his time getting to the Woolpack, even though he’d started early. He knew Victoria might want some company – but was not in a rush to be in the same room as Andy again, not when they’d be forced into a façade of Christmas cheer with each other.

“Hey, _watch it_ ,” came a voice that collided into him.

“You walked into me?!” Robert shot back, nearly more confused than angry.

“Yeah, well,” Carly shook her head at him. “Watch out for the walking dead on Christmas morning.”

“I could say the same to you,” Robert said, who had to drag himself out of bed after the 10th time Victoria had slammed on his bedroom door, with absolutely no sympathy for how his head felt like it was imploding in on itself.

“Oh, right,” Carly said, considering him again over her sunglasses. “Paracetamol and massage really helps.”

“Oh, yeah?” Robert asked with a smirk.

“Not from me,” Carly said. “Maybe another time though,” she said as she continued walking past him, stroking her hand over his chest as she did.

“Okay then,” Robert said, continuing to the Woolpack, at least now without the pained frown over his face.

“Oi, you,” came Adam’s voice as he passed him out of the Woolpack as Robert entered it. “Don’t you be expectin’ anything more from me – you had your present yesterday, didn’t ya?” Adam said, winking at him.

“I wasn’t-” Robert started to call after him, but thought against announcing to the village he hadn’t been perving on his brother-in-law. 

“Robert?” Victoria called to him, slamming through the kitchen door. “Oh, thank God you’re here.”

“Well, that’s the best welcome I’ve had for – ever,” Robert said as she pulled him into the kitchen with him.

“I need your help with all this,” Victoria told him panicked. “You can kinda cook, right?”

“Sure,” Robert said uncertainly, sounding more like a question than an answer. Nobody wanted chilli con carne for Christmas, he guessed.

“What?” Victoria asked him. “Oh, are you alright? After last night, I mean.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Robert said. “I feel slightly objectified this morning but…” he grumbled as he looked over all she needed doing. “You literally do this for a living, Vic.”

“I know, I know,” Victoria said. “But there’s this – and you all – and we promised we’d go to Vanessa’s later.”

“Not an all-day Sugden Christmas then?” Robert asked, secretly thankful.

“No, and you can wipe that smug look off your face please,” Vic told him. “Hopefully Andy actually arrives before we have to go…”

“I’m sure he will,” Robert said, placing a hand on her shoulder, though he hoped he wouldn’t turn up. At least not while Robert was there. “Are you sure he’ll want to see me?”

“Nope,” Victoria said, shaking her head. “But I want to see ya both. The three of us together properly again. Or for once…” Victoria sighed against Robert with his arm around her. And looking down at his little sister, he decided to make it the best Sugden Christmas for her that he could.

-

Andy arrived to crashing sounds from the kitchen, confused for a second, before he rushed through the pub to the kitchen.

“What’s goin’ on?!”

“Andy, where’ve you been?” Victoria asked him. Andy could only furrow his brow and smile down at his sister, looking sternly at him while her kitchen clothes were covered in flour and God knows what else, and with chocolate on her cheek.

Robert, however, looked even more of a mess behind her, his sleeves rolled up and sweat on his brow as he stood up from checking on their turkey.

“Phew. I dunno how you do this every day, Vic.”

“See?” Victoria shot at both of her brothers. “Being me is not as easy as it looks – I just make it look entirely seamless and effortless,” she announced to the, with her arms out as if awaiting applause. Which Robert gave her after dropping his towel down.

Andy shook his head, a chuckle escaping his lips despite how he bristled at the sight of his brother, and followed suit.

“Thank you, thank you,” Victoria said, bowing to them both in turn now. “Now if you’ll excuse me,” Vic continued in her regal air. “I need to freshen up a bit – I know, I know, how can you improve on _this_? But I secretly need to get your pressies an’ all so-” She rushed off, then turned back to impersonate the Queen’s wave at them, before running out of sight again.

“Not gonna pick up that butcher’s knife at me, are ya?” Robert asked, with half a smile, realising that was probably the worst thing he could have said as soon as he’d said it.

“No,” Andy said, shaking his head. “Wouldn’t want to ruin Vic’s kitchen, she’d never let me live it down.”

“True,” Robert said, with a chuckle, as he turned back to watch his and Victoria’s vegetables.

“Just don’t expect this means anything between us,” Andy said as he stepped closed to Robert, so as to speak in a low voice to him. “I’m here for Vic. And Diane.”

“I don’t,” Robert said seriously. “I’m here for them too, and I think we need to keep our – our problems as far away from them as we can. Victoria has too much going on to worry about us. Let’s let her have a great Christmas, right?”

“That’s one thing we can agree on, I s’pose,” Andy replied with a tight smile.

“But,” Robert continued, stopping Andy as he was about to turn away from.

“I am here for you too,” Robert told him. “Even if you do hate me. I’ll never hate you back.”

Andy regarded him for a moment, struck for a second that he seemed genuine. But he could only wish that Robert did hate him back, that maybe that’d make things less difficult. He didn’t wish any more that he loved Robert still. He could bear the sight of him, and that itself was a massive improvement on how he had felt about him.

He didn’t say that to Robert though – for Victoria.

Turning back to the oven, Robert didn’t need to be told though – he could see the hatred in Andy’s eyes as clear as day.

-

“C’mon guys,” Victoria came down, looking as if she hadn’t been cooking at all. Robert expected that meant it was on him to serve everything then. “Diane’s upstairs. She has plans later so – chop chop. The both of you!”

Robert smiled over at Andy, chuckling at her cheek, who turned away with a frown over his face. He sighed and took out the turkey.

“You know, considering I’ve never done this before,” Robert said to Andy anyway. “It’s not bad, if I do say so myself.”

“Which you do…”

“Hopefully Vic doesn’t notice I didn’t put the sprouts on.”

“Forgot?” Andy asked in the same monotone.

“No,” Robert said with a smirk. “I just didn’t want them.”

“You never did,” Andy said. “Used to hide them, every Christmas – except one year, you put them all onto my plate.”

“I remember that,” Robert laughed.

A smile very nearly broke out on Robert’s face before he checked himself. That little boy he played with at the quarry, who made him eat his brussel sprouts, who was his best friend… That was an entirely different person. Robert had stopped being that years ago, and he shouldn’t have ever been fooled into thinking things could change back between them again.

“Still, obviously it helped you grow,” Robert continued despite the dark cloud that passed over Andy’s face.

“Do you want me to take that?” Andy asked, motioning to the turkey without making eye contact with him again.

“Be my guest,” Robert said. Andy had turned to leave before he’d finished talking.

-

“Okay,” Robert said, wiping his face as finally everything was on the table. “You better all treasure this ‘cause I am never _ever_ cooking for any of you, or for Vic, ever again.” He slumped into his chair at the table, already exhausted.

“Oh please,” Diane said to him. “I’ve had to do this enough times in my life.”

Robert scoffed. “Not under Victoria. At one point, she nearly threw me out for cutting up carrots wrong.”

“Well, rectangle carrots aren’t Christmassy,” Victoria insisted (again). “They’re not – they’re not how mum used to make them.”

“You’re right,” Robert said, smiling warmly at his little sister. “Your directions were all perfect, I’m just whining so no one asks me to do anything else.”

“It all looks great,” Andy said, even directing that at Robert. “I guess I’ll carve the turkey then?”

“Yes,” Robert immediately replied.

“Thank you, Andy,” Victoria said, smiling at both of her brothers, and exchanging a pleased look with Diane that showed both their relief.

-

“So where are these presents then?” Robert asked, resting his hands over his very full stomach, before anyone else had entirely finished.

“Mm – It’s not much but-”

“I’m sure I’ll love it,” Robert smiled at her.

“You better,” Vic said, pointing her fork at him. “Especially when I’ve even not mentioned the brussel sprouts situation.” Stuffing the last forkful of turkey in her mouth, she ran over to get her presents, returning with a childish smile on her face, the same that Andy and Robert had always seen from her.

She handed each of them their presents, smiling at their reactions. Of course, what Victoria always loved most about Christmas was giving the presents – as much as she loved receiving them.

“Aw, it’s lovely pet,” Diane told her, holding up the sparkling necklace and matching earrings she’d got her.

“You deserve it, Diane,” Vic said, wrapping her arms around Diane’s neck in a tight hug.

“Aww, sweetheart.” Diane patted Victoria’s arm before her step-daughter moved to put her necklace on. “It looks _perfect_.”

“Robert, that is what you have always wanted,” Victoria told him as he pulled his present out. “Another expensive, hideous shirt!”

“Thank you,” Robert laughed. “I think this is my favourite one,” he said, wrapping his arms around Victoria.

“Where’s my present then?” Victoria demanded.

“Andy’s hasn’t opened his yet,” Robert said, smiling at his brother, who’d watched them opening theirs first.

“Go on,” Victoria said, standing next to him with an uncertain smile on her face.

They were both silent as Andy unwrapped his gift. Andy exhaled a shaky breath and placed his hand over Victoria’s hand.

Robert moved to ask what it was – then saw over Andy’s shoulder the silver framed photo of Andy and Katie on their wedding day.

“I wanted you to know, we’re not gonna forget her, you know?” Victoria said tearfully. “But that she’d be happy you’re with us today! I know you’re thinking about her, Andy, but I’m so glad you’re with us today too,” she said, hugging him from behind as well, tightly.

“That was such a nice thought, Victoria,” Diane said.

“It was,” Robert agreed, shuffling his feet, his hands in his pockets.

Andy sat forward, exhaling as he held onto the frame, pulling it towards him but still handling it gently. He didn’t look at Robert but he understood what was going on in his mind as his whole body tensed and his jaw clenched.

“I’m sorry, Vic,” Andy said, getting up, to her side so he didn’t have to face Robert. “I – this is great, I love it, really. And I love you,” he said to her warmly. “But this is – I think I wanna be alone for a bit now.”

“I shouldn’t have got you this, I’m sorry Andy-“

“No, Vic, this is perfect,” Andy interrupted. “I just – need to be alone now. Think about her. Treasure the good memories. Don’t worry about me,” he finished, smiling at her. “I’m sorry, I’ll see you Diane.”

“Take care of yourself, pet,” Diane called after him. “I think he just needs to clear his head,” she told Victoria, to comfort her with the worried look over her face.

“She’s right,” Robert said. “You’ve been great, Vic. Only you could pull this all off, in the middle of everything else you have going on. We all appreciate it, really.”

“Thank you, Robert,” she said, hugging him.

It wasn’t long after that Victoria returned to Vanessa’s, getting pulled into a tight hug by Adam as soon as she crossed the threshold.

“I missed you,” Adam said. “I hope Robert didn’t give you too much trouble.”

“No,” Victoria laughed at him. “Is everything okay here?”

“Everything’s perfect,” Adam said. “Now I have my beautiful son _and_ my beautiful wife with me.”

Victoria grinned as he pulled her into a kiss.

For once, she felt comfortable that she had all her family around her again this Christmas.


	6. (Platonic) Bartsy (1)

“Mate!” Adam called to Aaron, who stood outside Vanessa’s house that evening with his hands stuffed in his hoody pockets. “Where you been?”

“Oh, you know,” Aaron sighed. “Going from one Dingle disaster to another.”

“Hey, it’s not Christmas without ‘em, eh?” Adam replied, slapping Aaron on the arm. “Y’alright?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Aaron nodded, then pushed a gift wrapped package into Adam’s hands, and looked away awkwardly. 

“Ey, what’s this?” Adam smiled at him

“Just summat for Johnny,” Aaron said, clearing his throat. “Though I dunno – what you get a baby so –” Aaron shrugged.

“No, mate, I’m sure it’s great,” Adam smiled, clearly still glowing from just having his son home for Christmas. It brought a smile even to Aaron’s lips.

“Sorry it’s so late,” Aaron said, and forced a jokey tone. “I – couldn’t find ya, could I?”

“Hey, I texted ya,” Adam told him. “You coulda joined us.”

“Nah, you’re alright,” Aaron said, shaking his head. It could not have been worse than how Aaron had spent his Christmas but after leaving the Dingles’, seeing Paddy, Aaron had wanted to stay away from any more festivities, or any people for a while.

“Hey,” Adam broke into Aaron’s thoughts. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Aaron replied, attempting to shake his thoughts away.

“What happened? What were these Dingle disasters? Nothing serious, I hope…”

“I dunno,” Aaron frowned.

“You were there though!” Adam smiled bemusedly.

“I – left by then,” Aaron answered. Then continued with Adam’s expectant look at him. “My – Dad showed up,” he said, hesitating to call him that. “I… didn’t want to see him. Or especially him and me mum being all chummy.” He rolled his eyes.

“Right.” Adam furrowed his brows, examining Aaron’s face, noting how closed off he seemed. “Things ended that bad between you and him then?” He asked, not remembering Aaron going into any detail on why he had this ill feeling toward him.

“Yeah,” Aaron said simply. “They did.”

“I dunno, Aaron,” Adam said, suddenly seriously, leaning back next to Aaron. “Obviously I dunno him, but … if I had my Dad back now, for a moment –”

“I don’t need him,” Aaron said, shaking his head with exasperation and stepping away from Adam. This was just the same thing he’d gotten from everyone. But when he looked back angrily at Adam, his best friend only shot him a questioning look. “Look – your dad, you miss him ‘cause he was there for you. He – Gordon hasn’t been there. He made his choice so –” He shrugged

“I guess, with being a dad now-”

“Oh, it doesn’t make ya an expert, Adam,” Aaron snapped. Then regretted it. “Sorry, I just – I know you’re a better dad already than he ever will be.”

“Thanks, Aaron,” Adam said reaching out to smack his best mate again. But Aaron turned away.

“Look you get how – Your dad, he wasn’t-”

“What?” Adam asked, on the defence, knowing what he was referring to.

“Look, I mean,” Aaron hesitated. “ _He’s_ your dad. Always will be. Not – not James.”

“Yeah,” Adam said, seriously, with a nod. “I don’t hate him though.”

“ _Paddy’s_ been there,” Aaron said decisively. “He didn’t know he was – your dad, you biological dad, whatever, right, but Gordon – he chose… He made the choices he made, okay?”

“Okay,” Adam said, shaking his head, not really understanding. “I mean, if you feel that strongly about him.”

“I _don’t,_ ” Aaron insisted, anger in his voice, though Adam guessed it wasn’t directed at him. “He’s nothing, okay? He’s not my dad - he can’t come in ‘ere and say that he is, it just doesn’t work like that. Surely you get that?!”

“Yes!” Adam stopped him. “Aaron,” he said quieter, placing a hand on Aaron’s arm, a soft touch this time. Aaron looked away, his brow scrunched up, a look in his eyes that told Adam this was one of those times when Aaron had a lot more boiling under the surface than he could let out. “ _Aaron_ ,” he repeated more firmly, so that Aaron looked him in the eye, the fire in his eyes dying away as they met with Adam’s.

“I’m okay,” Aaron said in a whisper.

“Are you sure?” Adam asked him directly. “Look, you can come in if ya want, there’s enough booze-”

“No, you’re alright,” Aaron said, more normally, rubbing his forehead as he composed himself, back to that same hard exterior, that Adam knew was only ever a deception. “Paddy’ll be wonderin’ where I am.”

“Paddy?” Adam asked, his eyebrows woven together. “Oh, don’t tell me you fell out with Chas over this.”

“Well, yeah,” Aaron said, not seeing what the problem with that was. “She was putting _him_ before me. A man who hasn’t even _been_ here for years-”

“Don’t fall out over something unreasonable like this, Aaron, you know I’ve been there-”

“Oh, you know what? Just forget it,” Aaron spat at him. It was exactly the same thing everybody else was telling him. As if _he_ was being the unreasonable one. As if they knew what they were talking about at all.

“Aaron, wait!” Adam sped after him down the pavement, stopping him as he caught up with him.

“What?” Aaron demanded.

“Don’t be like that,” Adam said, smiling at him to lighten the mood. “Happy Christmas, yeah?” He said and pulled Aaron toward him by the shoulder.

“Yeah,” Aaron said, shaking his head. Adam wasn’t the person he really wanted to argue with about this. “You too.”

He let Adam pull him into a hug, awkward with the present digging into Aaron’s back, but he still sighed again Adam’s shoulder, held onto him tighter than normal.

“You can talk to me, about anything, you know that?” Adam told him.

Aaron nodded against him, knowing he wouldn’t actually burden Adam with any of the jumbled mess that his mind was right now. How could he ruin the happiness Adam had right now?

“Okay, mate,” Adam said, patting Aaron on the back. “Y’know, I think Vic might want me back some time.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Aaron laughed, pulling back, at least knowing there was nothing behind those jokes between them now. That even though Aaron had wanted to sink into his warmth now, just for anyone’s arms around him, understanding that that’s what he needed, it was because they were best mates.


	7. A Conbert Christmas

Robert sighed heavily as he walked through the door of his sister’s place, and looked over the still hanging Christmas decorations, a few unopened presents and –

And the unfortunately familiar man lying under the Christmas tree, sprawled out and entirely naked.

“What the _fuck_ are you doing?” Robert demanded, rage in his voice, but feeling something else, quite different, as his cock twitched under the fabric of his jeans. Still, he had to show himself to be angry – he hadn’t arranged this, and he definitely would not have arranged it for here.

“What does it look like?” Connor asked with a smirk on his face.

Sometimes when Robert was with him, he realised how absolutely infuriating his own self-confident, arrogant smirk must be to people.

“What if my sister saw you or –”

“Yeah, about that,” Connor said, as casual as Robert was – not casual about this. “You told me you ‘moved out’ of Home Farm, from your wife. But you didn’t tell me you were living with your _sister_.”

“Oh, and what crack den are you living in these days?”

“I’ll have you know -”

“You know, I don’t care, Connor,” Robert stopped him. “Put your clothes on and get lost.”

“Really?” Connor asked, unconcerned, with a pout on his beautifully tempting face.

Obviously not.

“I swear, if you ever pull a stunt like this again,” Robert said, shoving his jacket off, onto the floor, and undoing his shirt.

“Oh, are you going to show me what a bad boy I am?” Connor asked, with a hint of a mocking tone.

Why did Robert keep falling back into bed with this asshole? (Well, usually a bed, at some cheap hotel.) He told himself it was for the easy fuck but…

As he wondered, he dropped his jeans, fully prepared to remind himself of the reason.

“This doesn’t mean that –” Robert started in a firm voice.

“That I can keep coming here, that this isn’t on ‘your terms’, yadda, yadda, yadda,” Connor finished for him in a bored voice, rolling his eyes as he reached behind him. “Don’t pretend you don’t want this,” he said, holding the twig of mistletoe over his head.

Robert’s lips curled. He couldn’t pretend he didn’t welcome the sight of a well-endowed man offering himself to him as he came home.

“Or would you prefer,” Connor continued, as Robert still slowly undressed, keeping Connor waiting, though his eyes took him in hungrily. “This?” Connor moved his arm down to hold the mistletoe over his erect cock.

Robert grinned as he dropped his briefs as well, before falling on top of Connor. Their mouths met hungrily, as Robert breathed against him, the ginger stubble scratching against his smooth face, his shudder as he breathed against Connor through his wolfish smile. As Connor’s hands grasped through his blond hair, Robert held onto his thin wrists and pressed his arm back down above him, grinding against him, savouring the hard feeling of him against him, as he teased his wet mouth with his tongue. Their tongues met, wet and warm, then Robert pulled away, making Connor groan more than once. Finally, Connor freed himself from Robert’s grip, clamping his arm around his back and pulling him back against him, slowly stretching his long legs and wrapping his thighs around him for good measure.

That time, Robert gave in, considering his authority over the situation, and the relationship, reinstated for now. He let himself get lost in the pure animal magnetism that always pulled them back together like this, with their limbs entwined, their bodies pressed firmly together, hands wandering all over, groping, reminding themselves what they’d missed since last time, like their tongues tasting each other, bringing deep moans from each other.

“I knew you missed this,” Connor said through his moans as Robert’s eager mouth travelled down his throat wetly.

“Shut up,” Robert growled against him. “We don’t have much time.”

“Hmm,” Connor whined, pulling Robert back against him, with soft hands around his thicker waist. “You always say that.”

“Yeah, because… I never have much time,” Robert smiled. “You should be more grateful for what you get,” he breathed against him, pressing his lips down his collar bone, down the centre of his chest.

“Grateful?” Connor scoffed back. “You do think highly of yourself.”

“Yeah, but so do you,” Robert grinned up at him between wet kisses down his abdomen. “Obviously,” he breathed, stroking his long fingers smoothly over his ginger hairs, before following with his lips, doing the same as his hand travelled lower, over the other man’s whole length.

“Ohh,” Connor gave an appreciative moan at Robert’s lips meeting with the dark pink head of his cock, then as he pulled away, at his teasingly slow manoeuvres, a finger down his lengths as he watched Connor’s reaction, his sighing and lip biting.

Impatiently, Connor lifted his hips toward Robert, who kept him waiting, with his hands stroking down his thin, long waist and hips, still taking in the whole view of him with hungry eyes, before his own patience ran out as well.

If it was possible, Robert felt even harder as Connor’s back arched against him as he took him into his mouth, first slowly running a tongue that left a line of saliva up his shaft, encircling his head, and swallowing him to the welcome sounds of his moans filling the house. He took it slow, not wanting to make him come yet, just making him want him enough, teasing him expertly with his tongue before pressing a slick finger into him, biting his own lip now at the feeling of him tight around him. His entrance was already wet – Robert supposed he had to do something while waiting for Robert to come home, other than lie there naked, looking beautiful.

“Oh, please,” Connor breathed, nearly a beg for Robert to move faster, but sounding too sarcastic to be somehow. Robert rolled his eyes as he reached for the lube and condoms, appropriately also under the Christmas tree. Connor really didn’t give a fuck how this would have seemed had Robert _not_ been the first person to come in, Robert knew. It should make him mad, but having that feeling again, of the danger at the possibility of being caught, was as exciting to him as ever – and of course Connor knew that, was depending on it even.

Smiling up at him devilishly, Connor took the condom from his hand, ripped it open with his teeth and slid it onto Robert’s length, stroking him appreciatively as he did.

“God, I always miss this most of all,” Connor whispered.

Robert rolled his eyes again as he grabbed Connor’s thighs, bring a small noise from Connor, and hoisted them up around him, only spending some time pressing his lubed up fingers into him before he lined himself up with him.

“Don’t be gentle,” Connor smiled up at him teasingly, stroking a hand over his torso.

“With you?” Robert breathed. “Never.”

At last, Robert pushed into him, to a moan of pleasure from Connor who pressed his legs around him harder. Their movements were rhythmic and slow at first, Robert adjusting himself against him, into him, before reaching the point that made Connor scream, stretching his neck back against the floor. He wondered if he could be any louder, but wasn’t going to complain about it either (he never did, even when he had to feel the disapproved looks of B&B owners on him as he left afterwards).

Connor pulled him against him with his thighs, never giving Robert complete control, wanting him faster and harder, which Robert was only too willing to give to him. Their breathing became heavier as Robert fucked into him harder, being pulled down against Connor, tight around him, his hard cock feeling the friction between their heated bodies. Robert’s arms pressed against the floor roughly, biting Connor’s throat, hearing his pleasured breathing, laughing, moaning close to his ear, even letting himself kiss his stubble a couple of times before pulling back to pound into him harder.

All through this, Connor’s hands grasped over his softer body, pulling him against him with his hands around his back at first, teasing his dark pink tongue over Robert’s curved lips when their faces met, before his hands moved ever lower. The tips of his fingers dug into Robert’s thick thighs, into the flesh of his buttocks, slipping a finger into him finally. He stayed tight around him, the somewhat bigger man, always loving the feeling of him inside of him, but wanting to feel his pleasure too, to making him moan too, see his composure lost and know that he could achieve that, feeling a strange power from him – from how Robert always ended up like this, on his knees inside of him, despite his insistence for one night stand’s. As he felt the body over him getting closer, he pressed his lips against his, messily, knowing this was more than two men using the other to get off, like an object, because he’d experienced enough of that in his life. And so had Robert, which was why he ached for something else, now that he’d had it, though Connor knew that that ache wasn’t really for _this_. But for Connor, it was different than the nearly passionless sex with the other men.

“Ohh,” Robert finally moaned, partly into Connor’s mouth, smiling now as he’d got another thing he wanted from him. Robert’s head fell against him, his teeth on his shoulder, fucking him harder than ever, before he finally came into him, his eyes screwed shut with his head against Connor’s chest. Already close from Robert’s length pounding into him, Connor quickly came over himself as Robert finished him off, collapsed against him and biting Connor’s jaw playfully as he brought the younger man to (a very loud) climax.

Robert collapsed onto the floor next to Connor, exhaustedly, an arm over his forehead as he still came down from that blinding sigh, his legs apart and the sweat and other fluids on his pale body glistening in the dim light.

The only thing that disturbed his pure pleasure was the sound of the Christmas tree falling against the opposite wall.

Robert shook his head, too out of breath to swear. It was bound to happen really.

Connor looked over at him and laughed, not sarcastically for one, just out of his own pleasure.

They lay together like that for several minutes that felt like longer, comfortable on the rough floor, content even.

“What are you doing?” Robert broke the silence, only when Connor turned to lie against him.

“There’s a breeze,” Connor whined, his head against Robert’s outspread arm. “I miss the old place,” he said after a while, when Robert couldn’t be bothered to argue with him, or also wanted the warmth. “The floors were comfier. And there was a lot more choice on where to fuck.”

“Yeah, well,” Robert trailed off and sighed, looking up at the ceiling.

“I guess we’re amazing enough at this to make up for it though,” Connor smiled at him. Robert looked over at him, feeling the implication that this would keep happening – keep happening here even – which he should put a stop to already. Every time they ‘met’ he meant to, or if he failed to break it off then, he’d stop replying to his texts to meet, or send the texts himself, but the longest he’d held out, he was comatose. And this time? When he saw the smile on Connor’s face, all he did was press his lips against his, still wanting to taste him, wanting him here…

“You should go,” Robert forced himself to say however.

“Aww,” Connor whined. “You don’t want me to though,” he breathed, his eyes down over Robert’s chest as his hand caressed over him.

Robert didn’t argue but got up with a sigh and started to collect his clothes.

“It always seems a shame to cover that beautiful body,” Connor sighed from where he still lounged on the floor, bringing a reluctant smile to Robert’s lips. Connor arched an eyebrow at him, knowing his resolve was weakening. “Mind if I use your shower first?”

Robert shot him a glowering look.

“I’ll be quick,” he promised.

Getting up finally, he led Robert with him out of the room, knowing Robert’s eyes wouldn’t be able to resist travelling down his body from behind him.

“Besides I left all my clothes in your room.”

They never made it to the shower, nothing they did that night was quick, and Connor only left when Robert somehow managed to sneak him past Adam and Victoria.


	8. Robron (2) - New Year's

It wasn’t midnight any more, but he still had to find him.

He pushed through the pub crowds, again, having already searched more than once but not finding that Aaron was there at all.

After hiding his gun, he’d rushed back out, adrenaline pumping in his veins, even as the cold hair on his hot face already worked to bring him down from his high.

Everything of the last year, it was done. He was alive and kicking, the Whites had clearly forgotten about him and were returning to their own dramas, and the shooting was dealt with finally.

What Andy had done crushed him and he knew neither of them would really forget it but they were both brothers. Their relationship always was and always would be ever changing but the one thing that stayed constant was that they were brothers – that Robert loved him too much to lose him, even over something like this. Even as he’d grabbed the gun with all his rage at Andy, at Andy’s hatred over him, channelled into it, into what he was about to do, to point a gun at another man again…

Andy had saw what he’d done. And he’d saw that he was _not_ capable of killing someone in cold blood.

While the man who’d attempted it, on him, whimpered pathetically for his girlfriend, who glared at him with betrayal and distrust, to not hate him for this.

But if Robert lost everyone and everything for the things he’d done, why should Ross get away with this to be happy?

It was satisfying even to drag someone else down to that level…

But most satisfying was because it was the man who’d made him fear for his life for all this time, jumping at every hospital noise, hiding in his sister’s house with bad food and worse telly – and then when he found out who was responsible, he didn’t even know if he was relieved or it was _worse_. To know the person who’d wanted him dead was someone he could never hurt back in the same way, not again.

But Ross he could hurt. So he did. And a weight lifted from his shoulders.

And maybe if he could do something about that, he could put other things behind him… Maybe if he and Andy could move on, in some small ways…

When he finally saw him, he exhaled and smiled. Though he’d had to double check, but he could see recognize that scowl, those firm shoulders and what looked like his bed hair from across the room easily.

Aaron was making his way to the back, seemingly slower from the alcohol in his system, not looking particularly happy with the outfit he was wearing as he adjusted it angrily around his legs.

“Can I help ya with that?” Robert breathed as he’d rushed after him, pushing past someone wearing an itchy rug and several drunks in ridiculous glasses getting in his face and too many damned hanging flags.

“What do you think?” Aaron grumbled, turning to face him reluctantly.

“I think you look good,” Robert smirked, eyeing him from top to bottom.

“Yeah, well, you would,” Aaron said with an impatient shrug, wanting to Robert to get to his point, if he even had one other than to annoy him.

“I don’t even mean that,” Robert grinned at him, stepping closer, pushing Aaron back from the sight of the rest of the pub. “You know I like your hair like that. ‘Reminds me of waking up with you-”

Aaron scoffed. “Enjoy it then, because this is the closest you’ll get to that again.”

“Yeah,” Robert whispered.

His adrenaline was gone now. When he saw Aaron, he already knew he was being an idiot. But he still had to see him. Who else should he be with on New Years? But the person who’d affected the last year of his life so much?

“Have a happy New Year,” Robert told him finally, simply, looking into Aaron’s clouded eyes under his creased eyebrows.

“I guess yours couldn’t be any worse so –”

“Never say never,” Robert smirked.

“Okay,” Aaron shook his head and started to head up the stairs.

“Wait,” Robert said gently.

“Look, Robert,” Aaron sighed at him. “I dunno what you want but _I_ really want to get out of this ridiculous costume.”

“Shame,” Robert smiled softly. “I just – it’s stupid, I realise how stupid now but –”

“What?”

“The New Year and all that… You’re not going to put everything that happened between us in the last one behind you are ya?” Robert asked hopelessly.

Aaron shook his head, though without his previous bitterness at Robert. It wasn’t to hurt Robert – he couldn’t really be bothered with that any more. It was just the truth. Nothing would ever be that simple between the two of them.

He stepped back down the stairs, not saying anything, the sound of the alcohol fuelled celebrations still coming from the pub.

Robert leaned in slowly, watching Aaron’s face, the frown leaving it for a second as he looked down at Robert’s soft, pink lips.

Aaron closed his eyes and felt Robert’s touch again, for a moment pretending that there was nothing else that constantly pushed them apart, kept them apart.

The palm of his hand felt the leather of his jacket again, which he always remembered from their first kiss. He always remembered all their kisses. And he missed this. He knew that as he felt Robert’s hot breath against him, his hand on his face, fingertips in his hair, not wanting to let go of him again.

But he had to – face the low again.

The fire was still there in Aaron’s eyes, the one that had always been there when he looked at Robert. It was fainter and Aaron still kept the distance between them now. But it wasn’t entirely finished between them, and they both knew they’d be a part of each other’s new years.

Aaron turned on his heel, a curl on his lips but not saying a word as he went up the stairs, letting Robert leave into the cold night, both of them accepting that for now they were taking their separate ways.


	9. Pete & Andy - New Year's Eve

Andy returned to the farm, away from the New Year’s Eve celebrations, and the other kinds of fireworks back in the village, resigned as he walked to the darkness of the house.

“Hey,” a deep voice welcomed him, coming from around a corner, which would’ve made Andy jump if he wasn’t so distracted by his own thoughts – and if he didn’t recognize the voice so well, and the jump in his heart when he heard it.

“Hey,” Andy breathed in reply, followed by an awkward silence in the darkness. “You comin’ in?”

“Why not?” Pete shrugged, following him into the farm kitchen, reacting to the sudden lights being turned on.

“Lager?” Andy asked, bring them both one anyway to the kitchen table.

“Ta,” Pete said, wrapping his fingers around it for the cold feeling but not making a move to drink it as he looked up back at Andy.

“Debbie knows everything,” Andy told him eventually.

“I know,” Pete said with a nod.

Andy only nodded back, knowing he probably would, watching Pete’s face for a moment before taking a swig.

“She couldn’t stand the sight of me afterwards,” Andy said, sighing into the silent house.

“None of us come out of this smellin’ of roses,” Pete said, shaking his head, seeing the hint of worry in Andy’s eyes. “At least you didn’t actually…”

At that, Andy looked up at him, into Pete’s shocking blue eyes, not expecting anything but hoping… It was the first time he’d mentioned it without anger at Andy, or at least disappointment, and Andy has accepted he’d messed everything up between them, with the only friend he’d had while he was wracked with guilt for the pact he’d made.

“They’re still your kids,” Pete continued, wanting to move on from that subject, and still comfort Andy in some small way.

“I don’t know if she can ever forget this – especially after all the other men who have betrayed her, and I guess I’m just one of ‘em.”

“Mate, it doesn’t change the fact-” Andy nearly did jump then when Pete placed his hand on Andy’s arm, their eyes connecting for a moment, like they used to look at each other, always for a moment too long even before… Pete’s eyes lingered over his own hand touching Andy again before pulling away, clearing his throat as he looked away. “I just meant, you’re still their Dad.”

“Thanks,” Andy said quietly, still watching the other man, feeling the tension that was so familiar between them. Not tension from the idiotic pact he’d made and regretted, but what had been there before – the tension in both of their bodies when they were around each other, on the threshold of their friendship, their work relationship, and something else, not knowing for sure for so long whether the other man really felt it too.

Did Pete feel it now?

“I just want to move on from this,” Andy said finally, a hint of a plea in his voice, of how he’d pleaded Robert to forget it – but it wasn’t just something you could _forget_. And the betrayal of Pete seemed to hurt the most. He’d done nothing wrong and the more Andy had even considered hurting Pete, the more he’d seen the reason he never could. When he looked into Andy’s eyes, making him feel bare down to his soul, and all he had cared about after _Andy_ had nearly cost him his life was that Andy was okay. That he wouldn’t do something stupid. But he already had, and he did hurt Pete in the end.

“So do I,” Pete said. “I’ve tried with Ross, and I mean he –” Pete laughed humourlessly. “Well, on paper, he’s done a lot worse. Than any of us. But I guess when it comes from somewhere you’d least expect…” He trailed off and shook his head, not meeting Andy’s eye.

“I understand,” Andy said, softly, because he did. He didn’t deserve to expect anything from Pete now. That he could stand to be in the same room as someone who’d meant to kill him was already a feat. A sad smile played on his lips, thinking about what Pete was that had made him so different, so surprising – he was _good_.

“What?” Pete asked, his eyes landing on Andy’s wet pink lips despite himself.

“Nothin’,” Andy said, smiling at him still.

“Andy – I –” Pete hesitated, as Andy looked at him expectantly, already holding his breath at the familiar sound of his name from his mouth.

“What?” Andy asked, closing some of the space between them, still knowing he didn’t deserve anything more but needing to know.

Pete looked into his eyes again, eyebrows raised, searching his face, his hand hovering near Andy’s body, so close to him again. God, how he desperately wanted to just give in and forget everything but –

“I don’t know if I can trust ya after everything,” Pete said, shaking his head. “And – y’know I can’t… Have what we had with someone I can’t trust.”

“Yeah,” Andy said, looking away, a bitter smile on his face. Even with his low expectations, he couldn’t stop the feeling of disappointment that filled him, with the sad longing to be near to him again.

“I’m sorry,” Pete said quietly, finding himself placing a comforting touch on him again. But Andy pulled away this time, not baring to be so close to him if that was all they’d have between them now, and he pushed past Pete, only letting some of the pain he felt show on his face when he couldn’t see him in the darker living room.

“It’s fine,” Andy said however. “I understand.”

“Wait,” Pete said, regretfully.

“What?” Andy asked with nearly a laugh, not really wanting to hear any more pity or be let down gently any more.

But Pete didn’t do any of that.

He dug his fingers into Andy’s arm, around his biceps, pulling him back to face him, his other hand gently caressing through Andy’s facial hair, then into his brown tufts of hair, before he pressed his lips against his firmly. Andy’s hands went to his shirt, pulling him against desperately, needing to have him again like he’d so painfully missed for what had felt like forever, when he’d only just found him. He gasped at Pete’s hot breath against him, pulling his body against his with strong arms, Pete’s soft lips around his own thick lips hungrily, and their tongues met wetly, messily, leaving their mouths reddened when they finally pulled away from each other reluctantly.

“I’m – sorry,” Pete said, breaking the silence between them, filled with the anticipation of what would happen between them now. “I just – It just turned midnight. I saw it on the clock behind ya and –”

“You don’t ever have to apologize for that,” Andy breathed, smiling at him widely, only feeling the electricity still buzzing in him from Pete’s touch.

“Now what?” Pete asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

“That’s down to you, I guess,” Andy said, searching Pete’s face, knowing what he hoped Pete would want.

“You know I want to be with ya,” Pete said finally, his eyes glistening. “I just – I can’t promise ya I can forget everything.”

“I know,” Andy said, nodding, “But… We can try to move past it, move forward. Startin’ with tonight,” Andy whispered as he slid his fingers around Pete’s hand. “Stay.”

Pete silently nodded and followed Andy to bring in the new year together.


	10. Dikhil (2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one of these Christmas related drabbles/short fics! Obviously, this one is set after the Christmas period, but I still had to do some Dikhil fluff (with a jumper, inspired by the photo of Rik Makarem in that play). If this reads like a bad episode of a sitcom, then that is what I was going for. :)

“Here,” David greeted Nikhil as he descended the stairs tiredly that morning. “I washed your jumper,” he called to him as he turned to the laundry basket, pleased with himself.

Nikhil looked down at his own plain red jumper and thought through his whole strict laundry routine, sure that all of his were accounted for, and already clean.

“What j-” Nikhil began to ask then stopped in his tracks in front of David, fighting a grimace.

“I bet ya wondered where you’d left it,” David grinned at him as he held up the garish polyester mess of red and patterns that seemed to lead nowhere and everywhere all over the fabric.

“I – oh, yeah, thanks,” Nikhil hesitated, taking it from his best friend and current housemate’s hands, with the most forced smile of his life on his lips.

“Put it on then!” David prompted him.

“Wha- Now?” Nikhil asked.

“Why not?” David asked him, his eyebrows furrowed in a questioning look at Nikhil’s change tone.

“Well – are you meant to wear Christmas jumpers after Christmas?” Nikhil tried to laugh. “Isn’t that – bad luck or something?”

“No! Don’t be silly,” David said with a shrug. “You can wear Christmas jumpers any time, it’s just singin’ Christmas music that’s unlucky. And decorations are – well, just annoying.”

“Exactly!” Nikhil exclaimed, jumping on his throwaway comment. “It’s – probably really annoying, for, y’know, other people if I still wear this now.”

“Who cares what other people think?” David asked. “I bought you it! You said it was your favourite present!”

Nikhil knew he shouldn’t have said that to everyone. But most people guessed he was being polite – but David wanted to believe the best gift Nikhil did get was an itchy jumper, and for some reason Nikhil wanted him to believe that too. Looking at his bright, expectant eyes, Nikhil smiled and turned around into the living room to put it on. He sighed heavily as he placed his own stylish jumper over the sofa and replaced it over his buttoned shirt.

“Besides,” David continued behind him. “It’s just a red jumper really. I chose that so you can wear it any time, not just one day a year. What a waste that’d be, eh?”

“Yeah,” Nikhil breathed, horror across his face and big eyes that he was thankful David couldn’t see. “Though I do have my own-“

“And it’s not as dull as this old thing,” David said, tossing the other one aside.

“It’s not…” Nikhil trailed off at David’s expectant raised eyebrows. “It’s not as – as cool as this one, you’re right,” Nikhil finished with a forced laugh.

“Right?” David agreed, patting Nikhil on the arm on his way out. “I knew you’d like it.”

“Yeah,” Nikhil breathed, forcing a laugh.

“Are you waiting for a goodbye kiss or what?” David asked, standing at the door expectantly.

“Oh, yeah,” Nikhil said, his stomach sinking at the loss of his chance to sneak back upstairs to change before he went to work.

“’Cause, I mean, it can be arranged,” David teased him as he locked the door behind him.

“Yeah,” Nikhil sighed, wistfully eyeing the door as he still focussed on his longing for his nice, designer, normal looking jumper.

“Okayyy,” David replied, giving Nikhil a look.

“Yeah, I mean – no,” Nihil rushed to correct himself.

“Not at all awkward,” David laughed awkwardly as they walked down the path, Nikhil still lagging behind him.

 

When Nikhil stepped into the Woolpack that night, he was already not in the best of moods, and feeling pretty on the defence.

“Nice –”

“Don’t.” Nikhil immediately stopped a smiling Leyla, who welcomed him to her table.

“I was just gonna say-”

“I know what you were going to say,” Nikhil sighed as he sat down. “I’ve been getting it all day.”

“Well, he’s in as bright a mood as usual,” Carly said snarkily to Leyla, not bothering to address Nikhil, only smirking at him, then giving Leyla a pointed look. “I’ll see you at home, yeah?”

“Yeah, see ya,” Leyla said as Carly left.

“Okay, what’s with you?” She asked, turning back to Nikhil. “Did someone put flea powder in your-“

“I don’t even want to hear about this stupid thing,” Nikhil said, with a grimace. “Do you know how hard it is to be taken seriously as people’s boss at work when you look like a clown at a Christmas dinner?”

“I – no?” Leyla hesitated, taken aback.

“I’m sorry,” Nikhil said. “I’ve just had a long day.”

“Because… of a jumper?” Leyla asked.

“Look,” Nikhil said, leaning forward on the table. “How do I get rid of this thing, without hurting David’s feelings?”

“Nikhil!” Leyla exclaimed. “David’s a grown man. If you don’t like it, I’m sure he can deal with it.”

“Don’t like what?” David’s voice came from behind Nikhil.

“Nothing,” was Nikhil’s instant reply as he shot up at the sound of David’s voice.

David shot confused looks at both Leyla and Nikhil as he joined them.

“Oh, he’s just being a baby cuz –” Leyla started.

“Don’t!” Nikhil stopped her. “I’ll – I’ll tell him.”

“What?” David demanded, starting to get worried.

“I just – it’s the jumper,” Nikhil said seriously. “I – I don’t like it.”

At first, David said nothing.

“It’s just cuz he was made fun of at work today,” Leyla said to fill the awkward pause, hoping to help, though Nikhil shot her a look that suggested she wasn’t being helpful.

“Are you – are you serious?” David asked, his hand over his mouth.

“David, I’m sorry, I just –”

He stopped when he realised David was _laughing_ at him.

“You weren’t serious about this jumper weren’t you?” Nikhil asked, not hiding the annoyance in his voice.

“Well – no,” David laughed, unable to contain himself. “And I thought you were about to tell me something serious there!”

“I thought it was serious!” Nikhil insisted. “I thought – I thought it’d hurt your feelings.”

“Aww,” Leyla said, tilting her head at them.

“Oh, nevermind,” Nihil said, getting up in a huff.

“Nik _hil_ ,” David said, trying to stop him.

“No, I should leave you two alone to keep laughing at me,” Nikhil said, resenting that as he left his bright jumper that made him stand out like a sore thumb in the middle of the pub _definitely_ was ruining his dramatic exit.

“Aw, he’s so sensitive,” Leyla said, turning to David and the worried look on his face.

-

“Here y’are,” David said chirpily as he walked into his house to see Nikhil pouting in the kitchen.

“Where else would I be?” Nikhil said. “I can’t get away from you these days.”

“Hey, _I_ like that,” David said, mock offended.

“Well – so do I, usually, except for when you’re being a pratt.”

“It was just meant to be a joke,” David said. “I didn’t think you’d take it so – _seriously_. ”

“David,” Nikhil said, shooting a glare at him. “Don’t you know me at all?”

“What, I thought you’d ‘mellowed’,” David said, imitating Nikhil.

“I have!” Nikhil said. “Kind of. In some ways…”

David smirked at him.

“I do still take it seriously if I think I’m hurting someone’s feelings,” Nikhil said, still annoyed. “Like – a friend’s. Which I thought I would be.”

“Aww,” David imitated Leyla earlier.

“Don’t you-”

“No, I mean it,” David said gently. “I like that you still take things seriously. If I hadn’t always liked that about you, we wouldn’t be such good friends, would we?”

“No,” Nikhil agreed. “But I could live without the – laughing at me over it.”

“I was laughing with you!” David insisted. “Kind of – except, your _face_ earlier.”

“You are so annoying.”

“You love it though,” David said, chuckling as Nikhil turned away from him.

“Well, what if I don’t?” Nikhil asked, firing up again at David.

“Yeah, well, I know you do,” David said more softly as he pulled Nikhil to face him again by the fabric of that hideous top. “C’mere.”

“What are you doing?” Nikhil asked, lowering his voice as well, mirroring David.

“Can you shut up for once?” David said, smirking at him though, and Nikhil realised how he could see every line on his beautiful face when they were this close, like he could feel David’s breath on him as he laughed, which he didn’t resent now.

“Yeah,” Nikhil breathed, as he reached a hand around the back of David’s head, stroking his long fingers through tufts of his blond hair.

“Y’know, I missed you,” David admitted, closing the gap between them further.

“I missed you too, you know that,” Nikhil said.

“I dunno – you moved on –”

“I still thought about you. I – thought about this.”

David closed the space between them finally, having to lean up slightly against Nikhil to press his hot mouth against his, with all the desperation of someone who’d waited forever for this, and Nikhil leaned down somewhat with his hands around David, receptive to his hunger for him, when he felt exactly the same way.

“Y’know, I think you look good in this,” David said breathlessly when he finally pulled back, still breathing against Nikhil and stroking a hand down his face.

“Yeah?” Nikhil asked with a laugh. “Is that why you actually got me it?”

“Is that why you got me that tight grey turtleneck?” David asked back.

“Uh – yeah, actually,” Nikhil admitted with a bashful laugh.

“I _knew_ it,” David replied.

Nikhil laughed and leaned down so place a soft kiss on David’s smiling mouth, sighing at the brush of his stubble against his skin.

“You’d probably look better without it,” David whispered.

“That – is what I’ve been thinking all day,” Nikhil smiled, grateful for the chance to finally take it off – and even more glad that it was in these circumstances, as he rushed to pull it off, then fell back against David, breathing against him, moaning into his mouth as David’s hands felt over the hairs over his torso, brushing over his nipple as he took Nikhil’s bottom lip between his teeth

“Come on,” David breathed, holding Nikhil by his bare waist and leading him to the stairs, where no clothes came between them again that night.

**Author's Note:**

> Following chapters will be other pairings and characters but will have more Robert and Aaron and Robron chapters. :) Thanks everyone for reading my fics all through the year and merry Christmas!!!


End file.
